I am the youngest, the ‘little brat’ in our family. The ‘Kathy stop, Kathy don’t, Kathy go away, Kathy no’ child. I was (errr....am) an extremely active, loud, obnoxious child. Never really feeling like I fit in with my family. I know that I was and am loved, but never really felt like they wanted me around; rather preferred that I stayed out of the way. They never really got their wish - I made sure I was seen and heard!
On the outside I was loud and happy, on the inside not so much. My father passing away when I was 5 had a lot to do with that. I didn’t know how I was suppose to feel or act about the sadness I felt, so I just let the sadness stay inside while forcing the happy girl out. I became pretty good at pretending.
An equal reason for my inward sadness happened just a few months after the death of my father. Until this moment only John and about 10 other people knew what I am about to share. One night at a sleep over with family friends, an older girl took me in a closed closet to show me 'what mommies and daddies do to make babies’. When I was 11 a similar incident happened. A few years later, at 16, an inappropriate touch of an extended family person occurred. I kept all of that locked inside of me for years. Always wanting to vomit every time I thought of those days. Never wanting to tell anyone for fear that they would confirm what I felt - that I was nothing more than a dirty little brat.
God has spoken to my soul for so long, “I fearfully and wonderfully made you; you are my work and you are wonderful.”
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14 NIVUnfortunately, for many years, I not only stood silent but deaf as well to the truth that I am not a dirty brat, but a wonderful creation of The Most Wonderful Creator!
Today I am standing silent but not deaf. Soaking in the warm of the truth that He does not see me as a dirty brat - He sees me as His redeemed child full of His purity and grace!