What's it been...4 or 5 months since I've written? My story has continued on, even with my lack of blog posts. It's not been the best, nor the worst of times. It's just been FULL. My Team Honduras Family has cried together, laughed together, prayed together. I thank God for each one of them. Each person that He places in my life to be 'iron sharpening iron'.
We have been away from each other a lot over these past few months. At least one of us has been in traveling mode. We have had health issues, emotional struggles, spiritual laziness (ok..I'll claim that one solo). We have also had great talks, sweet retreats and celebrating holidays.
We are all back together again. And growing! November brought us one, today brings us two. We still have 4 more in 'early-pregnancy' stage, we await their arrival. For now, we rest. We enjoy being a growing team and seeing all that God wants to do in and through us.
I spent some time in the States during this season. It was great to see all the sights, smell all the smells, hear all the familiar noises, feel the warm embrace of a mom and a sister who I know love me. With that came that little whispered 'what-if'. But then all the remembered harshness, lack of belonging, dare I say abandonment showed itself. I saw my girls struggle through the same thoughts and feelings. And my heart, not burdened just with my own whispers, but with the whispers I knew my sweet 12 year old girls were hearing too: 'You don't fit here anymore, but neither do you fit there."
But over the whispers I heard God's voice in my heart "I have loved you with an everlasting love and I will never stop. I sing over you with joy. You fit with me. You are my child created for a purpose." That purpose, the meaning of my name. To live pure and full of grace in Honduras. To be the wife and mom He created me to be. One who doesn't give into the anger of the moment? One who seeing the anger in her children doesn't let guilt rule her into thinking she's a bad mom who hasn't taught her children well. One who when tired and overwhelmed with all that the days hold can sit sniffling/coughing on the couch, listening to the rain outside, wrapped up in a blanket. And in that moment feel the peace and presence of her Father. One who rest knowing her Father will help her teach her kids to hear the song of the One who created them, loves them, rejoices over them with song.
Today I may be lazy physically, but I am working over-time letting my soul absorb the caresses of Him who created me. Letting me soul pour back to Him the praise and adoration He alone deserves. Today I do what He has been calling me to do for so long.....
I write. I write a praise. I write a thanksgiving. I write love to Him who wrote love to me first.